There's a Potter on me
by Deamon Eyes
Summary: Voldemort was... confused. Potter is attached to him in the most literal sense and he won't let go. Maybe Lucius will help. No slash. It is a Harry-is-betrayed fic. Mean Light enthusiasts, Severus is dark.


I find this humorous, you might not, I also have no idea when this is. My friend got me hooked on Harry Potter fan fiction; I haven't actually read or watched it so I probably have things confused. Whatever.

Warnings are that Harry is Dark, he is also Betrayed (with a capital B), mention of idea of rape, not Harry and only like one sentence at the end, Light bashing and everyone's probably OOC.

Disclaimer: (Can't believe I'm actually doing one of these.) Obviously I don't own Harry Potter. If I did I'd sell this story for an outrageous price. But anyway, I don't own anything! Literally. I just steal things. Like this computer. Hahahah...

* * *

"Lucius! Get him off me!" the Dark Lord Voldemort whined to his loyal follower. Voldemort doesn't normally whine but he was so confused.  
Lucius shared a look with Severus.  
"Who my lord?" Lucius questioned, he could not see anything bothering his Lord, and was quite worried, as any self respecting person would be. No one wanted an even more insane evil overlord.

"This!" He roared, reaching behind him and dragging a figure in front to shove at Lucius. "He won't let me go!" He shook the person but they clung to his torso like a particularly annoying parasite. "How did Potter get in here?" Severus blurted out in a strangely open show of confusion. While at the same time Lucius said, "Why is he still alive?"

Voldemort completely ignored Severus in favour of snapping at Lucius, "Do you think I haven't tried, you Neanderthal? He moves!"  
"Moves, my Lord?" One of the lower Death Eaters speaks. The few Death Eaters that were gathered in the room, talking and completing jobs their Lord had assigned them, were now staring confused at the publicly dubbed Saviour. None had taken out their wands, presuming their Lord could handle himself.

"Did I stutter, Peterson? Why don't you try and curse the Brat." Voldemort grabbed Potter's hair and held him at arm's length. Potter just transferred his grip to his forearm. Peterson deliberated if this was a test. His Lord could be cruel, and while he was fairly confident in his aim he couldn't be too sure.

Then his Lord hissed, presumably for one of the deadly giant snakes wandering around the manor and he scrambled for his wand and shot off a blood freezing hex. Everyone watched as the Boy-Who-Lived... Shifted and the curse harmlessly passed by and hit the wall before the light dissolved.

"What the..." Blurted out a nameless Death Eater and that seemed to open the flood gates as everyone seemed to have an opinion on what just happened. The chatter and theories rose in a crescendo as the followers tried to talk over, to and with each other.

"Silence! I don't care what you think. Just get him off me." As soon as Voldemort spoke they quietened down immediately. Harry, seemingly oblivious to the chaos just shifted closer to his lifelong enemy and wrapped his arms around his waist and bright, intelligent green eyes watching calmly.

* * *

In the end, they - the fifty or something followers at the manor in that moment - could not remove the teenager from their Lord. Their methods, including shooting curses, jinxes and all other kinds of magic at the boy but missing spectacularly, torturing Muggle, Magical and kitten alike did not faze the human leech. So they gave up. Now they were all gathered in the 'throne room' for a scheduled meeting.

Draco, the Death Eater, was not amused. Here Draco was, in front of the Dark Lord, the leading fighter for blood purity, passionate hater of Muggles... And Potty was sitting on him.

"Now my faithful, we are here to induct-" He was cut off by the teenager on his lap waving to Draco. "We are here-" He waved to Theodore Nott. "We a-" Pansy Parkinson. "Stop it or just go attach yourself to one of them!"

Harry looked back up at him and then buried his head in Voldemort's shoulder. He sighed and grabbed Potters hips, shifting him so he was more comfortable. He wasn't all too concerned about Potter killing him, they had taken his wand and searched him for Muggle weapons, and really after three hours Potter grew on you.

He had been ignoring the incredulous stares of his minions, but he might as well grant them an explanation. "Potter will not let go of me and cannot be killed at the moment. I have not yet found the magic responsible for this but when I do," His speech dissolved into threatening hisses that, even though they didn't understand made shivers run down their spines, as if something running from the Dark Lord.

Potter laughed. Silently, just his shoulders shaking in mirth, but he still laughed. Snape glanced to the ceiling behind his mask, praying for forgiveness to Lily about not protecting her son. Even from his own stupidity.

Voldemort narrowed his eyes and grabbed the boy's neck, digging his nails in and causing him to bleed. "If you're going to cling like a small child, behave yourself. Maybe if you're lucky I will make you into a pet."

Potter didn't answer and Voldemort smiled smugly in victory. "My Lord, why not beat him to death?" Asked Bellatrix, and then throwing herself at her Lords feet simpering and pleading for mercy after speaking out of turn.

"Try." Voldemort said simply.  
"My Lord?" Bellatrix looked up for the floor.  
"Try and beat him. Touch him even. I will not stupe to Muggle means but if you get rid of him I will reward you." Bellatrix stared but the thought of a reward won and she got up slowly, reaching out to grab the Potter's shirt and pull him off her Lord.

He Shifted.

She reached for him again, and again, and again. She screeched in rage and pulled out her wand, planning on using crucio, but she got a foot in the stomach before she could so much as raise her arm. She fell down the dais steps and passed out when her head cracked on the floor.

"Bad Trixy." Harry muttered maliciously. If anyone saw Voldemort smirk they didn't mention it. Ever.  
"Bad Pet." The man muttered but patted the boy on the head anyway. Both simultaneously grinned at the unconscious woman and the collective group of Death Eaters felt themselves tear up. They were so going to win if their Lord convinced Potter to actively join.

* * *

Voldemort sighed and whirled around, shooting off a killing curse at another dull Auror, they were so very predictable. The Potter clinging to him spun with him. Shifting every other second so he was not seen by anyone. Voldemort himself would have lost sight of him if not for the tugs on his cloak informing him of enemies and spells out side of his range of vision.

Then Dumbledore came with his Order, and really did they not think he knew where they were? Severus was his, he was angry for a while but they always came back. Apart from Regulus, the bastard. Steal his soul will he. Officious prat.

"Tom, please, return Harry. He is innocent in all this." Dumbledore said calmly, deflecting a castration curse. There was a giggle from the vicinity of his chest and a tug from his left side of his back. He spun and dodged a borderline Dark curse. Oh he loved it when Aurors played dirty. He flicked his wand and with a muttered incantation they were swallowed into the earth to suffocate to death.

Oh how he loved magic.  
"Potter you mean? But he is having so much fun with me." He deliberately smiled evilly and there was another giggle and a tug. This one was had her bones melted.  
"Tom please-" He was cut off by a group of Death Eaters, some had lured Order members away from their leader while others snuck up behind him. Alternating their cursing and aim. Dumbledore was distracted and that allowed Voldemort to fire off a string of Dark spells that managed to get through his shields.

A retreat was called soon after, by the Order with an unconscious Dumbledore and Voldemort. The screaming almost made up for calling him by his Muggle name. He had enough fun for one day. Not to mention exceedingly proud to have caught that slippery asshole unaware. Half the credit goes to Harry though, he thought it up. Regular Slytherin that one.

It's been a week since Harry first came and now the clinging was the norm instead of the exception. In fact Voldemort was a bit glad to have Harry there.  
"My Lord, where is Harry?" Asked Lucius.  
"Harry, Lucius?" Voldemort glanced around.

No Harry.

Voldemort spun on his heel and disapparated back to the raid site, Aurors still hanging around clearing up their co workers innards from the ground. A few dragging one from the earth. A yell went up and spells were shot at him, he ignored it all. Where was Harry? Harry was his. Was he hurt?

Did... he go willingly?

* * *

"M-my Lord, P-p-potter has l-left this under a-a carpet in the s-sitting room." Stuttered a faceless follower. Voldemort sneered and flung a crucio at the moron. Like he wanted to see Potters things. The traitor.

A day later and a report from Severus was all it took for Voldemort to go back to hating the teen. Potter had acted like the Light Saviour he was, like he had never left the Light. He levitated the letter to him and checked for any spells while it was still mid-air. There were none and he considered just burning the stupid thing anyway.

But no, he wanted to read it.

_Dear, Lord Voldemort_  
_You're probably angry right now. Not that it compares to how I'm feeling, or was feeling. I don't know why I'm writing this; don't even know if you're reading it. Personally I wouldn't. You see I..._

That was... enlightening. So Harry was... he's whole life planned out. Obliviations, compultions. Out right threatening. To him I was... Hmm.

Hmph, no wonder he clung to me.

Voldemort smiled, after all Harry was still his, he just had to convince him of that fact. He rose from his awesome chair and strode out of the room, mind already churning with plans. Each more sick than the last.

Maybe he'd get a Death Eater to rape that Female Weasel - Weasley, whatever, the little wench.

* * *

Well that was weird. I don't think I do crack fics very well. Yes, it was supposed to be crack.  
Yes, I left a lot of blanks; you come up with them yourselves.  
No, Harry was not necessarily a soul mate or whatever. He could be a long lost family member or friend, you know like those time traveling ones.


End file.
